A2 · Elementary
8 min
culturesocial customstravellanguage learning
Lean Right. Always Lean Right.
Dos besos y ya eres de aquí
The two-kiss greeting is far more than a courtesy: it's a portal into Spanish culture, with unwritten rules, regional quirks, and two thousand years of history behind it. Fletcher and Octavio debate whether the kiss survived a pandemic, the modern workplace, and a generation that sometimes prefers a hug.
Los dos besos son mucho más que un saludo: son una puerta de entrada a la cultura española, con reglas no escritas, variaciones regionales y una historia de dos mil años. Fletcher y Octavio debaten si el beso ha sobrevivido la pandemia, el mundo laboral y las nuevas generaciones.
8 essential A2-level terms from this episode, with translations and example sentences in Spanish.
| Spanish | English | Example |
|---|---|---|
| beso | kiss | Mi abuela siempre da un beso cuando me ve. |
| mejilla | cheek | Primero vas a la mejilla derecha. |
| saludar | to greet | En España, las mujeres saludan con dos besos. |
| abrazo | hug | Los jóvenes prefieren el abrazo ahora. |
| dar la mano | to shake hands | Con un cliente nuevo, damos la mano. |
| extranjero | foreigner | Los extranjeros tienen problemas con los besos. |
| compañero | colleague / companion | Mi compañero de trabajo es de Madrid. |
| costumbre | custom / habit | Los dos besos son una costumbre del Mediterráneo. |
Last month I flew into Madrid and walked straight into something I genuinely forgot to prepare for.
Octavio's cousin, first time meeting her, she comes straight at my face and I freeze.
Just completely lock up.
And in that half-second I managed to go in the wrong direction, clip her on the nose, and pull back like I'd touched a hot stove.
Los dos besos.
The two kisses.
Es normal en España.
It's normal in Spain.
Tú siempre tienes problemas, Fletcher.
You always have problems, Fletcher.
I have a lot of problems, yes.
But this one is genuinely confusing if nobody explains the rules to you.
And the rules, it turns out, are very specific.
Una mujer saluda con dos besos.
A woman greets with two kisses.
Un hombre saluda a una mujer con dos besos.
A man greets a woman with two kisses.
Los hombres dan la mano.
Men shake hands.
Okay, so women to women, men to women: two kisses.
Men to men: handshake, at least in more formal situations.
And here is the question that has cost me actual social standing at family gatherings: which cheek do you go to first?
Primero la mejilla derecha.
First the right cheek.
Siempre la derecha.
Always the right.
Es muy fácil.
It's very easy.
Easy if you were raised in it.
For the rest of us it's a live calculation under social pressure.
Right cheek first, meaning your right or their right, because those are pointing in opposite directions and that is exactly the moment the collision happens.
Tu mejilla derecha.
Your right cheek.
La tuya.
Yours.
Y la otra persona también va a la derecha.
And the other person also goes right.
Es simple.
It's simple.
Your right cheek.
Both people go to their own right.
Okay.
I need that on a card in my wallet.
But let me ask you something bigger, because this greeting is everywhere in Spain and it feels ancient.
Where does it actually come from?
Es muy antiguo.
It's very old.
Los romanos también saludan así.
The Romans also greet this way.
Es una costumbre del Mediterráneo.
It's a Mediterranean custom.
The Romans.
Of course it's the Romans.
Every time I dig one layer deeper into Spanish culture, Rome is just sitting there underneath it.
The language, the law, the way cities are laid out, and now the way people say hello.
España tiene mucho de Roma.
Spain has a lot from Rome.
La lengua, las ciudades, los saludos.
The language, the cities, the greetings.
Todo.
Everything.
So this greeting survives two thousand years.
The Visigoths, the Moors, the Reconquista, the Habsburg empire, and then the twentieth century happens and you get Franco, a regime with very precise ideas about formality and propriety.
How does the kiss hold up through all that?
Con Franco, el trabajo es más formal.
Under Franco, work is more formal.
Pero en la familia, siempre los besos.
But in the family, always the kisses.
La familia no cambia.
The family doesn't change.
The state could control a great deal, but it couldn't get between a grandmother and her grandchildren at the front door.
There's something almost quietly defiant about that.
The public sphere gets stiffened up, and the private sphere just continues.
Exacto.
Exactly.
La familia española es muy unida.
The Spanish family is very close.
Los abuelos besan a los niños.
Grandparents kiss the grandchildren.
Es natural, es normal.
It's natural, it's normal.
Now here is where it gets genuinely treacherous for anyone planning a trip to Spain, or for learners who might visit different regions.
Because two kisses is the national norm, but it is not universal across every part of the country, is it.
En Madrid, dos besos.
In Madrid, two kisses.
En Cataluña, a veces uno.
In Catalonia, sometimes one.
En Francia, tres besos.
In France, three kisses.
Wait, three?
Where are people doing three?
En Francia y en Holanda, tres besos.
In France and the Netherlands, three kisses.
En España, no.
In Spain, no.
Solo dos.
Just two.
Dos es suficiente.
Two is enough.
I once spent what felt like a full minute negotiating a greeting with a French journalist in a Madrid hotel lobby.
Neither of us had agreed on the number.
He was going for a third, I was already pulling back, and we ended up doing this sort of confused orbiting around each other's heads.
A true diplomatic incident.
Sí, los extranjeros siempre tienen problemas.
Yes, foreigners always have problems.
Para los españoles es automático.
For Spaniards it's automatic.
Para los otros, no.
For others, not.
Automatic for you.
For me it's a full cognitive load.
And Octavio, I have to tell you -- the first time I met your mother, I committed something between a handshake and a hug and managed to press my palm flat against her shoulder while she was leaning in for the kiss.
She looked at me like I'd arrived from a different planet.
Mi madre todavía habla de eso.
My mother still talks about that.
Dice que eres un poco raro, pero simpático.
She says you're a little strange, but likeable.
Raro pero simpático.
That might be the most accurate description of me that exists.
Now, COVID.
That had to be a real rupture.
You don't pause a two-thousand-year-old greeting and just pick it back up the next morning.
Con la pandemia, los besos paran.
With the pandemic, the kisses stop.
La gente tiene miedo.
People are afraid.
Es muy difícil para los españoles.
It's very difficult for Spaniards.
What filled the gap?
Because I saw footage of Spanish politicians doing elbow bumps and they looked genuinely pained by it.
Like they were being asked to speak a language they'd never learned.
El codo, la mano, el saludo con la cabeza.
The elbow, the hand, the nod.
Pero los españoles quieren los besos.
But Spaniards want the kisses.
Vuelven muy pronto.
They come back very quickly.
They come back, but people who spend real time in Madrid say something shifted.
Particularly among younger generations.
The kiss didn't disappear but it became, what, more optional?
Los jóvenes ahora prefieren el abrazo.
Young people now prefer the hug.
Los besos son más para la familia.
The kisses are more for family.
Es un cambio pequeño, pero real.
It's a small change, but real.
A small change but a real one, and that framing matters.
What you're describing is the greeting becoming more deliberate, less automatic.
Which actually changes what it communicates, because a gesture that's always performed tells you less than one that's chosen.
Las personas mayores siempre dan dos besos.
Older people always give two kisses.
Es la tradición.
It's the tradition.
Para ellos, no cambia nada.
For them, nothing changes.
What about in professional settings?
I've had meetings in Madrid where I walked into the room and genuinely didn't know whether to put my hand out or just lean forward and hope for the best.
En el trabajo, depende.
At work, it depends.
Con un cliente nuevo, la mano.
With a new client, the hand.
Con un compañero de trabajo, los besos.
With a colleague, the kisses.
So the kiss is a signal: you're inside the circle now.
And the handshake is the holding pattern before you get there.
That's actually a really precise social tool when you think about it.
The greeting isn't just a greeting.
It's telling you exactly where you stand.
Sí.
Yes.
Los besos dicen: tú eres importante para mí.
The kisses say: you are important to me.
Es un mensaje real, no solo un saludo.
It's a real message, not just a greeting.
Men kissing men -- that's shifted too, hasn't it?
When you were growing up in Madrid in the eighties, was a man greeting his male friend with a kiss on the cheek something you saw commonly?
Antes, no mucho.
Before, not much.
Ahora, entre amigos cercanos, sí.
Now, between close friends, yes.
Las ciudades grandes cambian más rápido.
Big cities change faster.
Cities change faster.
That tracks.
You know, I noticed you keep saying 'dar dos besos,' to give two kisses, and in English we would just say 'to kiss someone.' We use a verb.
But in Spanish you're giving the kiss, handing it over like an object.
Is that construction -- dar plus the physical gesture -- something that runs through the whole language?
Sí.
Yes.
Dar un beso, dar la mano, dar un abrazo.
To give a kiss, to give a hand, to give a hug.
Damos el gesto.
We give the gesture.
Siempre 'dar'.
Always 'dar'.
So 'dar un beso' is to give a kiss, 'dar la mano' is to give the hand, shake hands, and 'dar un abrazo' is to give a hug.
English does this too sometimes -- we say 'give a hug,' 'give a wave' -- but in Spanish it seems like the default for physical gestures.
You always give them rather than just doing them.
Exacto.
Exactly.
En español, damos el gesto.
In Spanish, we give the gesture.
No solo 'besamos'.
Not just 'we kiss'.
Es diferente, pero es natural para nosotros.
It's different, but it's natural for us.